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farcue
11-01-2008, 07:15 PM
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.


'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.


The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.


Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.


At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'


He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.


Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.


Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'


THERE'S MORE....


Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.


He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.


'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.


He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.


He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.


Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.


Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.


Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!' IT IS NOT OVER YET...


Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.


He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.


Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.


Once more Paddy shakes his head.
'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting.... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'
:eek::eek::eek:

tygrkhat40
11-02-2008, 12:11 AM
Tommy Murphy goes into confession. He says, "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I got drunk every day for the past week, I have taken the Lord's name in vain 20 times and have had relations with a girl in town."

The priest replies, "Was it Bridget Donnelly?"

"No father, it was not."

"Was it Mary Shanahan?"

"No father."

"Was it Maggie McMahon?"

"No it wasn't father."

"Very well. For you penance, say 10 Hail Marys, the Act of Contrition and you are forbidden to come to Sunday Mass for a month."

As Tommy leaves, his pal Sean asks, "What did ye get?"

Tommy says, "11 prayers, a month's vacation and three good leads."

tygrkhat40
11-02-2008, 12:15 AM
Mary, the new bride goes to see Father Burke. She says, "Father, it's terrible, but my husband died last night."

"Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Did he have any last words?"

"Aye, father. He said, FOR GOD'S SAKE MARY, PUT THE GUN DOWN!"

tygrkhat40
11-02-2008, 12:20 AM
Sean goes into his local pub with a face that looks like 10 miles of bad road. Michael the barkeep looks at him and asks, "Jaysus Sean, what happened to you?"

"Oh, that little prick Seamus O'Connell hit me in the face with a shovel."

"Begorrah! What the hell did he do that for?"

"He caught me with his wife Molly."

"Didn't you have anything in your hand at the time?"

"Aye, Molly's breast. A thing of beauty, but perfectly useless in a fight."

farcue
11-02-2008, 01:15 AM
My local pub is best
'Y'know,' said the Scotsman, 'I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth drink for you.'

'Well,' said the Englishman, 'At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two!'

'Ahhh, that's nothing,' said the Irishman. 'Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house.'

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims, but he swears every word is true. 'Well,' said the Englishman, 'Did this actually happen to you?'

'Not me meself, personally, no,' said the Irishman, 'But it did happen to me sister.' http://web1.letstalkdirty.org/ltdforum/images/smilies/eek.gifhttp://web1.letstalkdirty.org/ltdforum/images/smilies/eek.gifhttp://web1.letstalkdirty.org/ltdforum/images/smilies/eek.gif