Funny Stories and Jokes

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Conversation between George Bush and Secretary Rice Condozilla in connection with Hu Jintao became the new Prime Minister in China (originally by James Sherman)

We take you to the oval office)

<George> Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
<Condi> Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
<George> Great. Lay it on me.
<Condi> Hu is the new leader of China.
<George> That's what I want to know.
<Condi> That's what I'm telling you.
<George> That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
<Condi> Yes.
<George> I mean the fellow's name.
<Condi> Hu.
<George> The guy in China.
<Condi> Hu.
<George> The new leader of China.
<Condi> Hu.
<George> The Chinaman!
<Condi> Hu is leading China.
<George> Now whaddya' asking me for?
<Condi> I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
<George> Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
<Condi> That's the man's name.
<George> That's who's name?
<Condi> Yes.
<George> Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
<Condi> Yes, sir.
<George> Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
<Condi> That's correct.
<George> Then who is in China?
<Condi> Yes, sir.
<George> Yassir is in China?
<Condi> No, sir.
<George> Then who is?
<Condi> Yes, sir.
<George> Yassir?
<Condi> No, sir.
<George> Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
<Condi> Kofi?
<George> No, thanks.
<Condi> You want Kofi?
<George> No.
<Condi> You don't want Kofi.
<George> No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
<Condi> Yes, sir.
<George> Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
<Condi> Kofi?
<George> Milk! Will you please make the call?
<Condi> And call who?
<George> Who is the guy at the U.N?
<Condi> Hu is the guy in China.
<George> Will you stay out of China?!
<Condi> Yes, sir.
<George> And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
<Condi> Kofi.
<George> All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

<Condi> Rice, here.
<George> Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you Get Chinese food in the Middle East?

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... And if Mr. Bush finally get to meet Mr. Hu, he can use this little parleur :smile:

Important: You must say the Chinese sentence aloud!

That's not right. - Sum Ting Wong.
Are you harboring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me as soon as possible. - Kum Hia Nao.
Stupid Man. - Dum Gai.
Small Horse. - Tai Ni Po Ni.
Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table. - Ai Bang Mai Ni.
I think you need a face lift. - Chin Tu Fat.
It's very dark in here. - Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet. - Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King.
You are not very bright. - Yu So Dum.
I got this for free. - Ai No Pei.
Please stay a while longer. - Wai Go Nao?
Stay out of sight. - Lei Lo.
He's cleaning his automobile. - Wa Shing Ka.
Your body odor is offensive. - Yu Stin Ki Pu.

[dracman]

lol

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Mr. Dracman has shown himself a good friend, now it's time for other's to perform a little - tell a joke - the stage is free (here)

[dracman]

I guess I'll start:
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.'